Saturday, 26 December 2009

A Turbulent 2009

Which Path Shall I Take?

Well, its that time again of the year. I know I have bee quiet in my blogging. That is because my life has been pretty messed up for a while now. I do not know who I am nor do I know where I am heading. It is only up till recently that I was finally hit hard head on into a wall. I guess although God forgives, He also “reminds”. It has been a difficult time for my spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. My thoughts up till today and this very minute as I type this is still jumbled up and confused. My heart and my mind seem to have taken a long vacation.

For those who know my field of work, I do not exactly have a choice to go to work gloomy or sad. A smile is needed, inspirations, and great enthusiasms should be showed at all times. But deep inside it has really been challenging. I can now have another warning in my heart to tell more people that one mistake or a misjudgment can ruin or shatter your entire life, entire existence even entire self. Self? You might ask, YES a everything you do in life will haunt you and one day come back to take its revenge on you. I lost myself, I lost my friends, I lost my personality, I lost heart. Confused? I am too as I really have no idea what I am writing.

Through it all, some decisions have been made and some dark sides of my life have finally seen light. I give thanks to God for helping me see, I give thanks to God for helping me understand, I give thanks to God for sustaining me through all this. I am reminded of a verse from 1 Corinthians 10:13 which reads,

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

How great is our God? I think He is a fabulous guy, He calls you His friend, He strengthens you with love, He forgives with grace, He makes you’re a prince/princess, He blesses you with the world, He renews you when you tire, He lifts you up like a Father, He laughs as your laugh, He cries when you cry, He understands you before your heart even beats and most importantly He comes down to save you even though you are unworthy.

This year of 2009 has been a challenging year for me. I questioned so many times why, but the answers were not given, but as the year comes to an end, God somehow made everything make sense again. This year, I lost family members, I lost love, I lost friends, I lost hope, I lost direction, I lost determination, I lost faith and most importantly I lost God. But as the year comes to an end, I realized that although I tried to hold on to so much, I cannot hold on because I never held on to Him. This year has been a reawakening for me. I am excited to see what God has planned for me in 2010. Although my heart has been broken this year, I hold fast to Him who gives me life and life abundantly. I have faith that God has a plan to bring me to higher heights and more testing comes my way.

Some day as I look back at this blog post, I will smile and understand how small things and problems are. But to me now, it seems like the whole world is falling apart. I have listed to 10 things I want for 2010…

1) I want child like faith to believe just because He is worthy.
2) I want strength, His strength to walk this path.
3) I want love, His ever ending love.
4) I want change, to truly a child of God.
5) I want to smile, because in Him I can.
6) I want my old man to die and start afresh in Him.
7) I want to put all my trust in Him.
8) I want to live for Him
9) I want to only give Him my best
10) I want to experience Him.


As I write this blog post I am reminded of a song I once learned by Delirious? called Trading My Sorrows. In one of its verses, it sings about 2 Corinthians 4:9 that writes: persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. The song goes like this:




I'm trading my sorrows.
I'm trading my shame.
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.

I'm trading my sickness.
I'm trading my pain.
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.

Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord (x3) Amen

I am pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's going to be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

It is a beautiful and powerful song and words. No matter what the world throws at us, we can still stand as long as we stand with God and lay everything down on his feet. As the sun sets for one day, we start afresh in God in the morning.


This picture was taken in Kampar

With a simple prayer that is said in every church service in Acts Church Subang Jaya, Malaysia, I end my final post of the year…

Numbers 6:24-26
The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.


Amen.

With Praying Hands
TCLJ

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