Inspiration has finally brought me back to the world of blogging. This whole week has been challenging for me mentally, physically and spiritually. It brought me back to reality about some things that I believe should matter more in life. I won’t tell names, places or cite quotation due to the amount of people that read my blog. But I will tell you a short story about my week.
Many people take of me of a strong bloke that can take on everything. From conflicts to finances to life, however, few seem to notice that I am breakable too. I stand firm on the solid rock in which God has placed me however some waves still hit me. Some soft… some hard… there are all things that I can handle, it’s just that it cracks me a little here and there. How do I then define these problems? In God’ prospective, these are tests that will help me in my life journey. As we cling on to God who is our rock, we shall not fall. The waves of the world will strike us again and again, harder and harder, the foundations of your faith is tested, how long can you stand?
Honestly I have stood there for quite some time and many people climb on to me. But my foundations are starting to shake… how long would I last? I don’t know and do not want to know. I am seen in so many as the big brother. Be it in Boys’ Brigade, Church even at work (UTAR). I try to help others who are in need, those whom are week, those who are oppressed, and those who have broken (spiritually, mentally and physically). Sometimes I look back in my life and I see all these, but no one that stood beside me that looked after me. Family you say are your greatest support, I agree, but families too fall short sometimes. Relationships crumble in a glimpse of and eye with a word, an action or sometimes in a single e-mail. We cannot undo what we have done, we cannot uncut something that is bleeding, so I urge all to be careful of where you put your knife…
Now let’s all look again into my life, I feel as if I am a robot… I can reboot or restart or reformat my feelings and my thoughts. How? You might ask… let me explain… I do not believe I ever cried nor have I ever been angry over the top. I might be angry but not furious. I would like to think of this as a Blessing from On High. Why? Honestly, I am not sure either. Even from high school till now, I never did cry no matter what happened. Slapped by a girl in front of hundreds of people, rejected, betrayed, heart breaks… you name it I have gone through it. But still no crying, tears… maybe but not crying. I cry in my heart, broken and painful but still no crying.
I has a friend once that said, “ok what… cannot cry is a good thing leh…” is it really true? I can also be angry now and be cheerful again in a few minutes. Forgive and forget... that’s the phrase that we should hold on to right? Maybe… as Chinese guys, we are brought up to believe that crying is for sissies and babies. A men that cries is not a man. Harsh words for life isn’t it? This week I saw something that should bring tears to my eyes and heart but guess what? Not a drip… as I ran my fingers through my phone directory, no one I could talk to, no one I could seek council, no one I could hide behind… I even had to smile and laugh as I had classes on.
My life is tiring, with every minute pre determined by the things around me… somethings slowly I see that I am no longer needed… slowly and surely I will slip into the thing people called “forgotten”. Sounds like a horror movie right? But hey that’s life. You will only be important to people when you are directly linked with them in their lives. Eventually you will drift away as if you were a petal that fell onto drifting waters… when you are on the flower, you feel beautiful, once fallen, you drift away into the dark passages never to be seen again, never important…
That’s life… are we fallen flowers?
Depressed? Don’t be, God has made the world perfect, how? The fallen petal will flow into rivers and dissolve into food for fish and plants and the circle begins again. What does this mean? Well I don’t know about other people, but I believe that God has made each situation worthwhile for us in the future. How? Simple… every problem (shit) we encounter now, God can make it into a wonderful flower (success). We can kill us will only make us stronger.
Going through problems? Be a blessing not the blessed. Be a blessing to others (just like fesse becomes the fertilizer for trees) even though your life sucks, you can still choose to bless and not feel sorry for yourself. When we bless others we learn to bless ourselves. That will make us independent and no longer drawing “blessings” from others. We should always be the giver and not the given.
Blessing or blessed? Giver or given? Your choice…
I am broken today but I will not stay broken… Raising Up For Tomorrow...!
The broken...
Lieutenant Timothy Chan
Boys’ Brigade 2nd Subang Jaya Company, Malaysia
