Its has been one month since I lost my heart. I wonder when or where would I ever find it. Certainly it has not been an easy task to keep a smiling face or a laughing voice. I feel like everyday when I wake up I take on a mask, a mask that shows the world I am ok. I lie to the world, I lie to myself. Been thinking and thinking of decisions that has been made and things that have been done. What or how would I evaluate myself? I guess I would never know…
Yesterday we celebrated a colleague’s birthday! Celebrating friends and colleague’s birthdays gives me fear… what fear? Fear of my own birthday… no no no… I am not worried that I would get pranked on or made fun off, I am worried of how I would be able to spend this time alone inside…
I guess this and the last post is something that is quite different from what I would normally post here in my blog. My blog seldom tells about my day or what I have done, it highlights and identifies different life changing times that I have been though. At the end of my walk here, I may even take a look back at different mile stones of my life and see what or what did I do to reach where I am now.
Many people tell me that the ending of something is always the beginning of something better… do I believe it? Not at this point… would I understand it? Maybe when time has healed and thought me more… I have actually nothing to write nor do I have any inspiration to write… I am writing something because I could not really sleep and I am in the office now. yeah! Its 6:40am now and I am in my office... in this quiet place, sitting almost in the dark in my cubicle with my desk fan on and some unknown Japanese song from BoA I sit and lose myself… I loose myself in the computer screen that helps my mouth express what I cannot speak out… my fingers feel my heart’s call and gently types ever word it hears to the key board…
All and all, life seems quiet, life seems all by myself… I pray every night for a breakthrough, a breakthrough in faith, in life and even in hearing God more…
“… seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you….”
(Matthew 6:33)
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”
(Psalm 121)
Only God my Father in Heaven would understand me now… But I thank God for the family that loves me, my friends who care so much, angels that protect and faith to help believe. I smile when I look at my life, for His blessings has never ceased to amaze and mesmerize me. With God by my side, even the hardest mountain can be moved and the deepest cuts can be healed.
God, I smile because I can call you Father… My Father… you hold my hands as I walk through my life, you lift me up and dust my knees when I fall, you carry me when I fail to carry on and that you give me life…
Before I end, HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY TO SHARON CHU !!!
I smile, I live, I pray…
Yesterday we celebrated a colleague’s birthday! Celebrating friends and colleague’s birthdays gives me fear… what fear? Fear of my own birthday… no no no… I am not worried that I would get pranked on or made fun off, I am worried of how I would be able to spend this time alone inside…
I guess this and the last post is something that is quite different from what I would normally post here in my blog. My blog seldom tells about my day or what I have done, it highlights and identifies different life changing times that I have been though. At the end of my walk here, I may even take a look back at different mile stones of my life and see what or what did I do to reach where I am now.
Many people tell me that the ending of something is always the beginning of something better… do I believe it? Not at this point… would I understand it? Maybe when time has healed and thought me more… I have actually nothing to write nor do I have any inspiration to write… I am writing something because I could not really sleep and I am in the office now. yeah! Its 6:40am now and I am in my office... in this quiet place, sitting almost in the dark in my cubicle with my desk fan on and some unknown Japanese song from BoA I sit and lose myself… I loose myself in the computer screen that helps my mouth express what I cannot speak out… my fingers feel my heart’s call and gently types ever word it hears to the key board…
All and all, life seems quiet, life seems all by myself… I pray every night for a breakthrough, a breakthrough in faith, in life and even in hearing God more…
“… seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you….”
(Matthew 6:33)
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”
(Psalm 121)
Only God my Father in Heaven would understand me now… But I thank God for the family that loves me, my friends who care so much, angels that protect and faith to help believe. I smile when I look at my life, for His blessings has never ceased to amaze and mesmerize me. With God by my side, even the hardest mountain can be moved and the deepest cuts can be healed.
God, I smile because I can call you Father… My Father… you hold my hands as I walk through my life, you lift me up and dust my knees when I fall, you carry me when I fail to carry on and that you give me life…
Before I end, HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY TO SHARON CHU !!!
I smile, I live, I pray…
